Thursday, November 26, 2009


Recognizing that the holiday season has now officially begun in America -- I am getting calls from my small daughter, demanding that I go buy "designer" T-shirts that cost more than T-shirts have a right to cost -- and recognizing that it is traditional (and probably bad form) to send around holiday newsletters to recount all that has happened in the year now passing, I wondered how best to wind down 2009.

I gave "social media" a fair trial, but have concluded it is not for me. I do not care much at all for Twitter or Facebook, although quite obviously, millions of people do.

Whenever I look at these things, I think of karaoke. There is a simple secret behind the success of karaoke, which is this: drunks like to sing.

The same sort of thing applies to Twitter. People like to engage in idle speech. I don't understand Facebook very well -- I still haven't figured out what it is or why it seems necessary -- but I rather suspect it is just idle speech on steroids.

I prefer "blitter," which is idle speech on a blog -- take this as an example -- much in the vein of the idle speech one sees on Twitter or Facebook, except one can use illustrations and hypertext, and the blog doesn't pop open screens demanding access to your operating system.

So, herewith... some non-commercial, family-oriented blittering:

[1] I did a great deal of traveling in 2009, and I am tired.

[2] While it seems that many things were accomplished in 2009, actually, nothing whatsoever was accomplished.

[3] Traveling around, accomplishing nothing, is a lot of fun, but did I mention that I am tired?

[4] The rabbits are fine, and send all their love.

[5] Here is a pithy quote: "The world around you is a reflection of your reaction to the world around you." Redacted for social media: "World round U reflects yr reaction 2 world round U -- Dalai Lama."

[6] Will probably try to spend most of 2010 working on The Big Book of Fake Dalai Lama Quotes: A Treasury for Credulous Collectors, to be followed by Embracing the Banal: Buddha Never Said This.

Cast iron, flying rabbit motif bird feeder. 
Better get ten... make that twenty of them.

[7] "When U 4get 2 give U 4get 2 live -- Ramses IX" Well, as long as we're making up improbable stuff...

[8] When I was in the 3rd grade, the fun thing to do was to hand somebody a piece of paper. On one side, it said, "The statement on the other side of this paper is true." Then, on the other side, it said, "The statement on the other side of this paper is false."

[9] Jean Paul Sartre also did that as a kid. He would hand somebody a piece of paper. On one side it said, "Being." The other side was blank.

[10] Buddhists try to do something they call "meditation" instead, but that's only because they can't find three-sided paper.

[11] Malfunctioning emotions are simple thoughts to which magical properties have been ascribed.

[12] Malfunctioning magic is simple thought to which emotion has been applied.

Is that a wand in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?

[13] Idle speech is defined by (a) speech motivated by defilement, (b) a straying mind, and  (c) the actual occurrence of talk leading to attachment or aversion.

[14] The types of idle speech are described as  (a) meaningless incantations, (b) speech to no purpose, such as storytelling, (c) common gossip, and (d) explaining doctrine to beings incapable of grasping its meaning.

[15] The completely developed result of idle speech is rebirth as an animal; if born as a human, one will like to chatter but no one else will like to listen. One will not be trusted. Nothing will be gained from one’s efforts, and one will experience a series of failures. The environment is unstable, with confused seasons.

[16] Oh yeah.. did I remember to tell you that it snowed last July?

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3 reader comments:

Fishy said...

[14](d) gets me every time...

J.Crow said...

love it.
america_and the world gets its wake up call from tba_nonetheless tearfully_ we are asleep at the wheel.

carry on dharma brother. keep that lamp bright lest we vanish in the abyss of our high minded ignorance
and the Enronization of our (as you say) twitterfaced "karaoke" realities.

Anonymous said...

Dear tampon
Over the 5 yrs or so of your blogging, your collection of works only show that you really have nothing to say and less to offer. Nothing of your own will bring any benefit, your own words flow as a poisonous river tainted with a variety of illnesses. Perhaps this is the speech manifestation of your bodies old age and sickness, don't forget what comes next! I asked you to announce and prove your recognition?? You can't even debate where people can respond openly, this must be because you know no one can tolerate your shit! You know anyone with the slightest knowledge of Buddhism will oppose you if given the opportunity. People LOVE soo many Masters, why is that? Compassion? A message? Openness? Truthfulness? If one can not confirm the legitamacy of ones qualifications then.....
Social Media is a tool, a tool that, if put to use correctly, could benefit many. Anyone in a state of ignorance will engage in idle gossip, anyone that isn't Fully Awake is wearing the costume and singing karaoke, you know "fake it until you are it", isn't that what you are doing?
FYI, your site doesn't have pop open screens but trackers and cookies, bugs and worms, painting over a rotting wall doesn't mean the rot isn't there.
The Dalai Lama is on Twitter?WTF? Guess it "just isn't your thing", right? Whats good for the Dalai Lama must be good. Dot . unless you are better than Him of course.
[14] & [15] this blog is a perfect example

go away old man, you are using up too much air.

Hahahahaha! LOL!!!!!

Fuck you very much
not a fan