Blitter

Recognizing that the holiday season has now officially begun in America -- I am getting calls from my small daughter, demanding that I go buy "designer" T-shirts that cost more than T-shirts have a right to cost -- and recognizing that it is traditional (and probably bad form) to send around holiday newsletters to recount all that has happened in the year now passing, I wondered how best to wind down 2009.

I gave "social media" a fair trial, but have concluded it is not for me. I do not care much at all for Twitter or Facebook, although quite obviously, millions of people do.

Whenever I look at these things, I think of karaoke. There is a simple secret behind the success of karaoke, which is this: drunks like to sing.

The same sort of thing applies to Twitter. People like to engage in idle speech. I don't understand Facebook very well -- I still haven't figured out what it is or why it seems necessary -- but I rather suspect it is just idle speech on steroids.

I prefer "blitter," which is idle speech on a blog -- take this as an example -- much in the vein of the idle speech one sees on Twitter or Facebook, except one can use illustrations and hypertext, and the blog doesn't pop open screens demanding access to your operating system.

So, herewith... some non-commercial, family-oriented blittering:

[1] I did a great deal of traveling in 2009, and I am tired.

[2] While it seems that many things were accomplished in 2009, actually, nothing whatsoever was accomplished.

[3] Traveling around, accomplishing nothing, is a lot of fun, but did I mention that I am tired?

[4] The rabbits are fine, and send all their love.

[5] Here is a pithy quote: "The world around you is a reflection of your reaction to the world around you." Redacted for social media: "World round U reflects yr reaction 2 world round U -- Dalai Lama."

[6] Will probably try to spend most of 2010 working on The Big Book of Fake Dalai Lama Quotes: A Treasury for Credulous Collectors, to be followed by Embracing the Banal: Buddha Never Said This.

Cast iron, flying rabbit motif bird feeder. 

Better get ten... make that twenty of them.

[7] "When U 4get 2 give U 4get 2 live -- Ramses IX" Well, as long as we're making up improbable stuff...

[8] When I was in the 3rd grade, the fun thing to do was to hand somebody a piece of paper. On one side, it said, "The statement on the other side of this paper is true." Then, on the other side, it said, "The statement on the other side of this paper is false."

[9] Jean Paul Sartre also did that as a kid. He would hand somebody a piece of paper. On one side it said, "Being." The other side was blank.

[10] Buddhists try to do something they call "meditation" instead, but that's only because they can't find three-sided paper.

[11] Malfunctioning emotions are simple thoughts to which magical properties have been ascribed.

[12] Malfunctioning magic is simple thought to which emotion has been applied.

Is that a wand in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?

[13] Idle speech is defined by (a) speech motivated by defilement, (b) a straying mind, and  (c) the actual occurrence of talk leading to attachment or aversion.

[14] The types of idle speech are described as  (a) meaningless incantations, (b) speech to no purpose, such as storytelling, (c) common gossip, and (d) explaining doctrine to beings incapable of grasping its meaning.

[15] The completely developed result of idle speech is rebirth as an animal; if born as a human, one will like to chatter but no one else will like to listen. One will not be trusted. Nothing will be gained from one’s efforts, and one will experience a series of failures. The environment is unstable, with confused seasons.

[16] Oh yeah.. did I remember to tell you that it snowed last July?

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