Some guy complained that in all his years hanging around Dharma centers, he never heard anybody tell a joke. He said, "I rarely see these people express real warmth or a smile, and would be completely surprised to see any of these people dance."
So, this Heruka walks into a bar, and says to the bartender, "I want a drink."
Bartender puts a drink down in front of the Heruka and says, "That'll be twelve dollars, please."
Heruka pays up and downs the drink.
Bartender says, "I don't mean to be a wise-guy, but the thing is, we don't get many Herukas in here."
Heruka says, "No, and at these prices you won't get many more."
Buddha walks up to a hot dog vendor in New York City. He says to the guy, "Make Me One With Everything", and gives him some money.
The hot dog vendor makes a hot dog, hands it to Buddha, and says "Here you go."
Buddha says, "Where's my change?"
The hot dog vendor says "Change comes from within."
How many Buddhists does it take to change a lightbulb?
One to change the bulb, one to not change the bulb, and one to neither change nor not change the bulb.
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocain?
He wanted to transcend dental medication.
A wandering monk walked barefoot everywhere he went, to the point that the soles of his feet eventually became quite thick and leathery. And because he ate very little, he gradually became very frail. Several days often passed between opportunities to brush his teeth, so he usually had bad breath.
Therefore, throughout the region, he came to be known as the super-calloused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis.