Monday, June 29, 2009

Tibetan Buddhist Love, Money, and Calligraphy

Things could be a whole lot worse.

Well, the results are in, and I admit to being confounded.

I'm speaking of the analytical programs that explain what people do when they visit Digital Tibetan Buddhist Altar, and why.

The good news is, our numbers are way, way up. More and more people are visiting, staying longer, and following our links.

The strange news is that -- try as I might to keep this thing on the up and up -- the clear majority of you are coming for Kurukulle (love), White Mahakala and Dzambhala (money), and Tibetan Calligraphy (tattoos).

Whatever happened to [censored], or rock and roll?

Love, money, and a fresh tattoo are your top tier. The second tier is demons and mental illness, followed by some lamas I could name (but won't, to save them embarrassment), followed by weird pictures and prophecies.

Tell me the truth now... when you're in line at the supermarket check-out counter, do you just glance at the tabloids? Or do you regard them as a highly authoritative news source?

Ever see the documentary film, Men In Black?

Once, a very long time ago, I took a vow to make people happy. Therefore, you will be utterly overjoyed to know that I will soon begin increasing our coverage of love (sigh), money (I spent it already), and tattoos (oh, my god, what have you done).
I told you so.

I will also be including more hard-hitting photojournalism demonstrating the law of karma, like the amazing two-headed turtles seen above, or the seriously challenged fellow in the photograph below. Not once but twice in his previous life did he visit the abortionist.

Don't like that reference?

When H.H. Kusum Lingpa was giving certain empowerments, he used to say, "Those of you who have had abortions might as well get up and leave."

Sometimes that would account for half the audience -- so, are we just supposed to pretend these things didn't happen, and then forget about it?

Don't believe in the law of Karma?

In the Kurukulle department (as I have remarked in the past), you are not coming for scholarship, but for love spells. You want witchcraft. You want subjugation. You want baby please, please, please!

Try to remember that I have a program which tells me what search words you use. Watch it with "Secret Tibetan Holy Words to Tie Up, Tie Down," because I have young people in the house.

Keep that up, and I'll start selling the Kurukulle Love Water at USD $88.00 per bottle, not to mention the Kurukulle Reconciliation Love Oil at USD $303.00 per bottle.

Plus shipping and handling, but don't worry, these are really small bottles.

In the White Mahakala / Dzambhala department, scholarship is right out the window. You want "Secret Tibetan Holy Words to Make A Lot of Money Really, Really Fast."

Want to impress that new friend you just made with the Kurukulle Love Water, eh?

In the Tattoo Department, I have some disturbing news.

Tattooing mantras on your anatomy is not enough for "Buddha Creds."

You actually have to accumulate the mantras.

You actually have to do the practices.

Stumble Upon Toolbar

0 reader comments: