Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Uncle Lama's Advice for the Lovelorn

Using the analytical tools that Google so generously supplies everyone, we have learned that "Kurukulle" is the number one search string which brings new visitors to these pages. Further, we have learned that said interest in Kurukulle more often than not stems from the belief she will help bewitch the object(s) of one's obsession(s). Doing a bit more digging, we even find the particular places in the world where women, and presumably men, are fanatically repeating Kurukulle's mantra in the hopes that a recalcitrant member of the opposite sex will become enslaved by love---or whatever passes for love these days.

"Love" seems to be a subject that Western Vajrayana Buddhist practitioners struggle with. We have so many instances of "center romance," and we have so many instances of "dharma divorce," that I scarcely know where to begin. In any event, to serve what appears to be the clamoring legion of lovelorn practitioners who regularly bounce into this site looking for a little red witchcraft, I will take this opportunity to say a few words on a topic about which I know absolutely nothing.

I do, however, have a few opinions.

In some respects, the anxiety of love between humans boils down to what we might call an immediate fear. We meet someone to whom we are powerfully attracted, and almost immediately, the experience is flooded with fear. The fear we will say or do something to repel them; the fear we won't be able to attract them; the fear we won't be able to possess them; the fear we will lose them; the fear somebody else will attract them; the fear somebody else will possess them.

Really, we think about our loves the way a cove thinks about swag.

Our fears inevitably lead us into a series of operettas, and these operettas lead into Grand Opera. In the beginning, there is the operetta of "I won't call him because I want to see if he calls me," followed by, "He won't really love me if he finds out who I really am," which segues into, "I am going to make her jealous," and the companion libretto, "I am going to cut him to see if he bleeds." This is all so counterproductive and dishonest, but this is what we do. Eventually, it all concludes in the Grand Opera, "I love you so much that if I do not have you I will die," and the companion theme, "I love you so much we both should die."

After we have dressed up in all our finery and attended a few opening nights, we tend to react in one of two ways. Either we say, "Screw it! I am going to forget him (or her) and love all sentient beings instead!" or we say, "Hey! Let's Google for Kurukulle and get a love spell! Yeah! That'll work!"

Do I need to tell you that both approaches are equally mistaken?

If you find yourself attracted to somebody, first examine all the reasons why you are attracted. Try to weed out the superficial reasons and concentrate on the wholesome ones. If you wind up marrying this person, then a bond is definitely going to exist between you. Better this bond is in terms of something which liberates rather than something which imprisons.

The next thing to do is have a little confidence in yourself... have confidence in your basic status as a good human being. Don't bring deceit to the table: bring honesty, and above all, bring courtesy. Don't sidle up the poor little victim and say, "Hi! I'm Canyon Rainbow-Wind and I can rock your chakras... so, what about it? Up for bliss and emptiness?"

Maybe that would be a little too confident.

All of the above being said, I can't prevent you from coming here looking for the Big Red One that Really, Really Works. If, despite what I've told you, you still want to play games then here is the secret teaching: OM KURUKULLE HRI SOHA.

Say this mantra exactly one million times in one long sitting. For the first 500,000, visualize the object of your affection seated in front of you, powerless to resist your charms. Watch as he (or she) grows older in front of you, suffers all the vicissitudes of life in Samsara, becomes ill, and dies. For the second 500,000, ask yourself what it would be like if you devoted all this energy to enlightenment for the welfare of all sentient beings, of whom your beloved is naturally emblematic.

When you have finished performing the above, get up from your seat and go see who you love.

For the benefit of search engines: kurukulla kurukulle love spell charm ritual practice bewitch bother bewilder

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